Sleeplessness

Well hello world...

This seems to be a theme with me. Once again midnight, lying in bed, unable to sleep. Sometimes I really just can't turn my brain off.

So I promised myself that I would start writing at least 300 words of my story every day this year. Not happening yet... If only it was easier to translate feelings and emotions into words. I bought myself a couple nice clean journals the other day. One is to collect character sketches, descriptions, and ideas. The other is to write down my story  once it's been finished. Hopefully that will inspire me to get working.

Part of the problem us that I am working though. Which I am very grateful for by the way. (Have I mentioned I really love my job?)

Sometimes I feel just like I'm swimming in circles. Always having the same problems and needs and always promising myself the same thing. What I really need to do is to stop procrastinating and thinking so much and just get to work.

One thing I gave been thinking about a lot lately though is people and our dependence on each other.  I'm thinking about doing a full post on it sometime. We'll see.

Anyhow here goes yet again another sleep attempt.

Another post hopefully upcoming-Sherlock Holmes Game of Shadows movie review.

Love and Hugs!

What

Imagine...

Imagine being able to completely accept who we are, to never experience moments of despair that we will never be what we believe we 'ought' to be.  To never torment ourselves with accusations of why we are not thinner, more attractive, more popular, more witty, more successful, more...anything but who we are.  Imagine being able to be oblivious of ourselves, to just live, taking on challenges and experiencing failures with equal aplomb.  Imagine having unmitigated presence - when we walk into a room, we are noticed simply because we are radiating something that everyone craves.  Contentment.  Acceptance.  Peace.

Imagine being able to move forward to embrace life and everything it has to offer, leaving our 'idealised' images behind to watch us do what we believed we never could without 'changing'.  Imagine leaping and bounding into the world to embrace both success and failure knowing that these experiences are just part of our unique experience of being alive, with none of it defining who we are. 

Imagine that we would make some wonderful discoveries, that we would be surprised to find that we would no longer be interested in focussing on how others perceive us or wasting our time and energy on dressing to impress - rather we would choose to wear what we like.  Our choice of garments would not define us, but complement us.  We would only buy what we needed, no longer feeling subjected to the painful and costly addiction of 'want'.  We would never look at a clever marketing campaign and believe that lasting contentment could be found by spending two weeks at an exclusive beach house on the coast of Bali.  We would no longer be possessed by our possessions.   Rather those things would merely be part of our lives to perform a function, not to represent who we wanted others to believe we were. 

Unlike the photo above of the poor rhino trying to become a unicorn, we would know ourselves and accept ourselves just as we are, being simultaneously aware of both our strengths and weaknesses.  We would know that so long as we refuse to accept ourselves just as we are, we will not be able to fully enjoy life, or even know what we like or do not like with any certainty.  We will have ripped down the image taped to the walls of our minds of who we are not and replaced it with an image of who we are, an honest, true, beautiful image of us in all our wonder.

Each and every one of us are utterly unique with our own set of towering strengths and humbling weaknesses, and this uniqueness makes us amazing, and interesting, and special.  We are much more spectacular and complex than anything we could ever imagine we ought to be.  When we rip away the image we have been holding in our mind's eye of who we should be and replace it with who we really are, we stop the cycle of torture, accusations, blame and self-hate against the wonderful person huddling deep inside of us that just wants to live.

Imagine a life unmarred by the manipulations of magazines, advertisements and gossip columns - a life uncomplicated by the continual uncertainty the media doles out to us.  Imagine living a life without constant and unnecessary material hunger, a life that allows us to find true fulfillment just by being the astounding individual each one of us already is.  That life is right there, a mere heartbeat away, reaching out to us from behind the glass wall we have imprisoned it behind...

Imagine letting go of the person you are not.  Imagine that the real you is free...

Just imagine...

My Song

Still sick… it kind of sucks, I'm almost never sick for this long. But I *have* to be better by tomorrow because I'm working.

I know I've mentioned this before but I just have to say it again.

I LOVE NICKEL CREEK

I can go for months without listening to them once but then I just get this random craving and I have to go and listen to every single one of their songs several times.

Chris Thile is right up there with Thom Yorke in my opinion. Actually it was listening to Radiohead that made me want to look Nickel Creek up again. They once did a cover of Radiohead's Morning Bell and it's pretty awesome.

I am a huge music person. I would shrivel up and die if I didn't have music. Music speaks to my heart and soul and mind. That sounds corny but I really can't think of a way to explain what good music does to me.

I have my favorites-Radiohead, Wilco, Modest Mouse, Muse, A Fine Frenzy, Keane, Arcade Fire, Blue October- and many many others. And I love them all. They all have their own special meanings, favorite lines, best songs.

Radiohead is probably my top favorite followed closely by Muse. But Nickel Creek is my band. I love every one of their songs  so much. They all mean things to me and the beauty of them satisfies my musical cravings. No other band brings tears to my eyes with their music the way they do.

The title of my blog is from my favorite song, Hanging By a Thread. This song is my song.

I'm going to give up rambling and trying to put my confused feelings into words now and just enjoy the music.

Much love,
Shay

New Years Resolutions

Today is the first Monday of the new year. A great day to get up, take charge, and conquer the world right?
Wrong!
Apparently it's a great day to wake up with a killer headache and an upset stomach...

Oh well... I've been consoling myself with no food, lots of coffee and Advil, Christmas letters, and The Apocalypse War. I may even get some writing done today!

So it's 2012 now. It didn't really hit me till I was sitting in Church listening to the sermon. New Years has never really meant that much to me till now. But you know what? It's a clean slate! A new year is like a blank sheet of paper and now I need to decide what to write on it.

I'm twenty, I have a job, fantastic friends, a great Church, and my family. So what are my goals for this year? What am I going to do with myself? I hardly even thought about making resolutions till yesterday but then I came up with a whole bunch.

Basically it comes down to this. Last year was pretty good. Actually the best year I've ever had. So, now I'm going to make this year the best I've ever had! This may sound silly or cliche but I'm going to be a better person this year.

Anyways, here are my 2012 resolutions.

1. Start a savings account with a certain percentage of every paycheck orig into it. Now that I've finally got a job I can really start saving for my future.

2. Read my Bible every day. This was my only resolution last year and I've kept it. I'm in the middle of Jeremiah now.

3. No regrets. I may not be able to keep this one completely but I know I can do better.

4. Be healthier. Drink more water specifically...

5. Finish my book. And start research on the next one I have planned.

I think that's it for now... But it's a good start. :-)

Happy New Years everyone!

Premediation

The condition of the photographic image has been worrying me. So much so that I wrote on twitter on January 1st 2012: ‘In a world where anyone can make an image: Refuse.’

I have been noting the proliferation of commercial images and more, the way that software programmes have taken on a professionalisation of the generation of images. And the public through the lesser programmes, with their lesser tendency to professionalisation is generating near professional images - Another way of saying this is that the public is beginning to know  what the hidden tropes of image making are.

A trope is of course not hidden, it’s there for all to see. It’s the cliche in action, the tendency towards order in a sea of chaos. Where we, the one hundred thousand monkeys, press the keys of the typewriters a sufficient number of times to imitate something that was once considered great.

A hidden trope is the mechanics behind the magicians art. It’s the quotidian gestures that put together seem to be magical. Saying that, there are of course photographers and cinematographers, who transcend the tricks and tropes of the form - but only a few.

So if we know how to generate impossibly beautiful images and saturate the world with them, do we then risk desensitising ourselves to the beauty of the image?

Of course we do, so then we re-invent the form again and again - and this reinvention takes the form of the opposite tendencies to create new tropes and tricks to create something new. The cinematographer or photographer who realises this eternal round of invention and reinvention innovates and creates the new form first.

'Remediation' is the word used to describe how an incoming media form is met with the thinking of the paradigm conditions by the prior media form - but what word would describe the atrophying of the medium just before the introduction of the new medium" Premediation? And is one of the conditions necessary for the formulation of the new medium its rendition as cliched by overuse?